Monday, April 7, 2008

Phase 2 coming right up

I ordered my new Phase 2 antibiotic for the Marshall Protocol today and should be able to start it on Wednesday.

I am so immensely grateful because although I was dreading it somewhat, it turned out to be really easy. Doctor and pharmacy both very helpful. I was afraid I'd have to wait a while because some people have reported a difficulty with getting the right dosage but the pharmacy said it would be no problem.

My physical symptoms have been stable for the last three weeks or so, but this weekend I had a sudden increase of symptoms. I was afraid I was just treading water while waiting to start Phase 2 but evidently I am still killing bugs! Hooray! The symptoms were mostly achy and weak muscles and some joint pain. Also a new pain in my left forearm above the wrist, like I imagine it might feel to be stabbed. It might be an old injury (a subclinical break?) or it might be where I was diagnosed a couple of years ago with "mild osteoarthritis." Who knows, but whatever it is, my immune system has found a new pocket of bugs and is on the warpath!

I am sleeping really well. Still having some irrational anxiety but it's better too. Phase 2, here I come!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

scared

This past week I've been studying Phase 2 of the Marshall Protocol and making plans to start it. It is rather daunting. It makes Phase 1 look like a wading pool; now I'm about to dive off the high board. The absolute fastest that Phase 2 can be completed is about six months, and it's much more likely to take twice that, or even more. I have to decide if it would be prudent for me to go even more slowly than standard. And although what I learned in Phase 1 will be helpful, the patterns I've gotten used to are pretty much gone. Instead of a 48 hour cycle, it is a ten day cycle. Actually it is both, because the 48 hour cycle continues but with a ten day cycle layered on top of it. It changes the dynamic completely. I can't explain it any more clearly than that.

For the last few days I've been grumpy and anxious and restless. I am ready to start but it is hard to let go of the feeling of control I've had for the past few weeks. I am revisiting the paradox I wrote about a few weeks ago.

People are asking me when I will be able to come back out into the sunlight. A few weeks ago I was hopeful that I would reach that point by the fall. Now I am not so sure. It is hard to let go of expectation.

But I am so grateful.