Saturday, August 2, 2008


No wonder I don't know what day it is. I was up until 6am last night--I mean today. My mind is just racing. I feel sort of scattered but seem to be able to focus well and even finish tasks. Unfortunately, I am focused on entirely trivial things. It would probably be better if I could focus on something relatively important that I put off for weeks while I was feeling so bad. (I think I'll count "posting on my blog" in the relatively important column.)

I think I recognize this as a pattern from previous times when I have changed the Marshall Protocol meds according to the dosing schedule. When I reduce one of them significantly, it's like I wake up from a dream.

Only now I know: this is how I will feel when I'm well. Not that I have energy, exactly, but things don't seem overwhelming. It would be amazing to be able to count on feeling this way, on having a brain, for days or weeks at a time: I might even be able to do something crazy like start practicing law again. Is that what being well would be like?

I still have some brain fog. I'm having some pretty dreadful memory lapses and I'm still dropping nouns in speech. Numbers still baffle me. I'm still tired, and not rested. (And the insomnia of this phase won't help with that.) I still have joint and muscular pain. Lots of other symptoms I won't bore you with. But I'm having moments, hours even, of mental clarity. The comparison to how I felt less than a week ago is stark.

This is real. The Marshall Protocol is the cure.


Susan in St. Paul said...

Mental Clarity is great!!! Yay!!!

I am so happy the MP is working!

Jezebella said...

Hey, I don't know if you check this blog any more, but I wanted to let you know that we've set up an Ugly Truth BBS alumni group over on Facebook. Come find us!